.....and POLY?!

I think I got the poly. That's what Tom told me this weekend and I think he's right. After camp, I realized that I am capable of loving many people and I WANT to love many people. I love to love people. It's that simple. So why not? Love is such a powerful wonderful emotion. Why not share it with as many people as you can (as long as it doesn't weaken the emotion)? I didn't always feel this way though. I didn't think I ever could be poly. Life is proving me wrong these days though. I'm changing. I CAN be poly. In fact, it feels quite comfortable.

Tom is poly. He has a wife and a girlfriend. His wife and girlfriend both have boyfriends of their own. This just boggles my mind....even though I feel like I can love many people. It just seems so complicated to me. I have so many questions. Will all of these people end up living under one roof? Will they eventually all be in a relationship with each other or just with the individual who they were first attracted to? Are there primary and secondary relationships within this family? Ack!

My biggest problem with poly is that I'm so afraid to hurt the other people in the relationship. For example, I was TERRIFIED to meet Tom's wife because she knew that him and I would be playing together at The Society. I thought she would hate me for "stealing him away" or something along those lines. I thought it would be awkward and uncomfortable being around her. Surprisingly, it was not. His wife is a wonderful, friendly, outgoing, interesting woman who showed no signs of unhappiness or discomfort at all. What?! *shakes head in disbelief* This is not what I'm used to. It's a good thing, but not what I'm used to.

Now I'm afraid to meet Tom's girlfriend. Each person is different. Each relationship within a poly family is different. His wife might be fine with him and I playing but what does his girlfriend think? Eeep! I just hope all goes well.

I honestly don't know where I stand in all of this right now. Tom and I have only really known each other for about 3 weeks. Are we dating? I don't really know. I really like him though. What would that mean for our future if things worked out? Being poly definitely makes things a little more complicated. Would I move in with him? Would I have my own room? What about his girlfriend? And what about her boyfriend? Or his wife's boyfriend? Ack! Tooo..many..thoughts..too..many..options....

And would I tell my family? They know that I'm into ageplay and that I'm kinky and submissive but I think being poly would be the last straw for them. They would NOT understand it. They would develop all these crazy ideas. I'm beginning to not care what my family thinks though. I don't live my life for them. So I guess it doesn't matter.

A Switch?

So I went to Camp Crucible a couple of weeks ago and I've been wanting to write about it but it will be a long entry and I just haven't had the time. I'll definitely write about it soon though. Today, I'll talk about this past weekend which I spent at The Society in Hartford, CT. It was the littles invasion!

Tom and I went to the Society Saturday night. When we got there, we brought all of our stuff in and decided to wrestle while we waited for everyone to show up. Wrestling is SOOOO much fun! I loved it! Makes me want to go out and buy some padded mats for future wrestling matches at my own place. Maybe mats would prevent the rug burns we both got on our knees and elbows. I swear, my future house is going to be a BDSM fun house by the time I'm done with it. Tom is really into "fighting" of all kinds. He does this thing called SCA (I think) which I'm kinda interested in now. It's sort of like medieval fighting with big sticks and armor. Fun fun!

That got us both a little excited so Tom pulled me aside and tied me up for some impact play. We found out later that we weren't actually supposed to start playing until 9. Ooops! Sorry everyone. Luckily, it was a quick scene so we were done by the time the potluck started. During the potluck, Frankie brought out bubbles. It was SOOO hard not to start playing with them right away. I managed to hold out until everyone was done eating....then we had a bubble war!

After dinner was cleaned up, we all started to play. Tom and I changed each other and got into our "littles" clothes. We were all sitting around when Tom suggested that everyone start tickling the ella....which they did! It was torture....heavenly torture! I loved every second of it.

Then we started to just try things out. I wanted to try out the seat with the box that goes over your head so Tom bound me into it. All of a sudden, a game erupted! A bunch of people (I still don't know how many were involved) started throwing these balls at me! Eeep! I couldn't help but laugh. What a hilarious scene!

Once I was let loose, I put Tom in the chair and did some impact play on his legs. I have never ever EVER topped someone like this before. I was so afraid to hurt him in the wrong way but it seemed to go well. I also put him in a few other bondage devices that were hanging around. It was a lot of fun.

Towards the end of the night, all of the littles started a cuddle pile while we watched Frankie get suspended and tortured. While cuddling, a puppy showed up! This puppy liked my feet. He asked me to put my feet on him, so I did. It was fun! Again, I was in a toppy type of position. Later in the night, I took his leash and brought him to another room to play cards and he sat at my feet. It was....interesting. I'm still not sure if I would consider myself a top but I definitely enjoyed it.

This brings me to the question of whether or not I'm a switch. I don't think I'm really a switch because I don't have a strong desire to top....but I CAN top. I actually had a lot of fun! I still have lots to learn though. I had a couple of other opportunities to top Tom throughout the weekend and it added such an interesting dynamic to our relationship (whatever that relationship is). One thing I found was that it takes a while for me to go from bottom to top. I can't switch back and forth very easily. I may be able to grab his neck and be rough with him right after being the bottom but I still end up talking in a little voice. Hehe. Things to work on I guess.

Another new thing that I learned was that I kinda like rough stuff. I knew that I loved rough handling but I had no idea that I liked things like punching, pinching, biting, hair pulling, wrestling, and things of that nature. Punching was actually a hard limit before this weekend. Tom asked me to punch him and I didn't want to at first but I did....softly. Then I built it up so I was hitting harder and harder...and he didn't die! Imagine that. He actually liked it. So I asked him to do it to me too. It felt awesome! Whoa! So many changes in me lately. I feel like my world is being turned upside down.

Anyway, it was a fabulous weekend. I learned a lot about myself and tried many new things. I can't wait to go see Tom again and go play at The Society again. I love everyone who I met there. What a great group of people! I love my life.