Rain suits and boots!

The next time it rains, Ella is going to ask her Unca if she can go out and play... Well, her uncle will first check her diaper, and see if it needs changing... -but of course it does! Lil Ella just can't keep a diaper dry, can she? Unca Evad takes her by the hand, and puts out the rubber sheet on the bedspread, and changes her diaper, adding a pair of plastic pants. Then he takes off her dress and puts a pink t-shirt on her, then helps lil Ella into her overalls, and straps them up. Next, he sits her down on the chair and puts her red rubber rain boots on. Then he stands her up and has her step into her new bright yellow bibbed rain pants, one leg, two leg! He fastens the big black elastic straps in front , and adjusts them for loose fit- can't have them too tight against her diaper, or they might split when she sits down. Best to have a roomy fit.

Lil Ella insists on putting on her yellow rainjacket, but after getting it almost on backwards, Uncle has to help her out a bit- proud that his little niece tried so hard, saying she would get it for sure next time. Unca snaps up the jacket, pulls the way too big hood around her head (Unca will be able to fix this when he buys a snap setter and some snaps # 20, he think's, at a local fabric store.) He pulls back the hood and puts her baseball hat on her, then pulls the hood back up, folds the front of it under, so it will rest on the hat brim. Next, is to put the squirmy lil Ella into her hated- but doesn't mind it when it's finally on, shoulder and chest harness with the leash on. Unca pulls the straps a bit tight, and Ella's agitation turns to a feeling of security and being cared for... She knows she shouldn't run, and knows Unca will keep her safe. After Unca gets raindressed, they go out and listen to the plop plop plop of rain on their hoods, and go sit in a mud puddle and roll down a grassy hill wrapped in Unca's arms.

Thank you, Uncle Evad!!! I love it! *BIG little girl hugs*

Fair Day!!!

My sister and I went to the fair today. We had a lot of fun. I gotta say though,  it loses a little luster each year that we go. I'm still happy that we went. We both got in free for giving blood...can't complain about that. One of the first booths that we happened across was a sock booth. I LOVE LOVE LOVE socks! They had fuzzy ones and colorful ones and TOE socks!!! I wanted a few pairs but I held off in case I found something better. Had to take a picture though, it was like eye candy, and I DID find something better....gloves that turn into mittens! I've always wanted a pair.

Then we went to see the HUGE sand sculpture. I really enjoyed this year's theme. It was "I LOVERMONT FARMS." Around the top of it were scenes of Vermont in all four seasons. It was amazing! So beautifully done. They had apple picking, sledding, sugaring, and cutting the hay fields.....very neat. The details were out of this world. Take a look!

After wandering around and looking at the different booths for a while, we decided that it was time for some food, so we headed outside. I got a little sidetracked with a dog retrieving contest along the way. Then we were stopped by some friends from high school. FINALLY we made it to the food area and decided on gyros. Yummy. We finished our meal off with some fried dough and fried oreos to share.....WAYYYY too much food. We continued walking around the fair while we let our food digest, looking at the people and the different animals. We had plans to go on a few of the rides but decided against it. It was just way too hot out. Plus, they were expensive. Instead, we bought a few different things from the maple shack and headed home. (Look at all the colors!)

We were HOT by the time we got home so we rolled the TV into my bedroom and turned on the air conditioner. Avatar is a FABULOUS movie, by the way, with a wonderful message. It was like a modern day Ferngully. I regret not seeing this movie in the theater. I really wanted to BE one of them by the end of it. Makes me want to do something bigger in my life. Makes me want to travel the world and save people.....or something....something big and meaningful. What a great movie! Anyway, my sis and I pigged out a little more (with plans to get right back to our healthy ways tomorrow) by eating some homemade kettle corn and maple cotton candy from the fair. (I do realize that the bathroom is a strange place to eat cotton candy but I HAD to get a picture and it was the only place with good light.)

On another note, my sis and I decided that we ate WAY too much food today and that we don't eat very well in general so we're starting....a thing.....tomorrow. I don't like calling it a diet because that implies that it's temporary. Maybe a lifestyle change would be more appropriate. We're doing it together. She wants to lose 50 lbs by graduation. I want to lose 50 by New Year's. It's entirely possible. I lost 30 lbs in the last 3 months, since April, and I wasn't even trying. It's a little over 2.5 lbs a week. I can do this! I want to eat more protien and less fat....and maybe get rid of soda but that's going to be tough. I am slowly accomplishing my financial goals so why not add another one? I won't be terribly disappointed if I don't meet that goal. I'd be just as thrilled if I lost even 15. Go me!

A Series of Unfortunate Thoughts....With A Happy Ending!

Yesterday was a very strange day. I woke up in a fabulous mood. Spent the morning listening to music, watching happy Youtube videos that made me laugh out loud, and playing Guitar Hero. Then the pollen that was coating my dining room table (and probably everything else in my house) started invading my head and I began to feel sick. Stupid allergies. I decided that maybe I should lie down and watch a movie so I put on P.S. I love you and ate a couple of smores (because I had no adult supervision and that's what I wanted).

If you've never seen P.S. I love you, I'll tell you that it's a VERY sappy love story. Nevertheless, it's a fabulous movie. I encourage you ladies to watch it. Men....you should watch it to get some good ideas. ;-) Anyway, the sick feelings mixed with the emotions of the movie started me on a downward spiral of self-pity. I started thinking about Tom and how he was spending the weekend with Kim and I was jealous. Sad, but true. "Nobody loves me like this man loves this woman. My parents don't even love me. True love doesn't exist. The only one who loves me is my sister. Blah blah blah, whine whine whine....." And then I cried. All very rediculous and WRONG. *rolls eyes*

Then I got onto the computer to write about it all and saw that Tom had commented on my blog. Mmmmm..... He DOES love me! People DO love me! He wouldn't buy me things or read my blog or send me random happy messages during the day if he didn't love me. John never would have brought me flowers just because if he didn't love me. He wouldn't want to be dating me if he didn't love me. I wouldn't be overwhelmed with messages from friends online if they didn't like me. Yay! I'm such a dork.

So then I felt better and decided to take a walk outside. I put on my rubber boots (...because you need them, even on sunny days you know! Little girls know these things.) and my backpack and headed out for a walk. I took pictures of all the animals in the yard and chased after the geese (the bane of my existence). I sat on the swingset and watched the ants march up the side of it. I was happy!!! ....and felt oh so little. Then my sister showed up and we went out for some chinese food. All was good in the world again. What a crazy day.

This is where we get breakfast many mornings....

...and here are the stupid geese that chase me all of the time. Notice where they stand, between the truck and the BBQ so that I can't get by.

Random Photos and Accompanying Thoughts

Look! Big diapers! I love the little lip of the diaper on the inside of the leg.....but I'm not a diaper lover....nope, not me.....and I also like the smell of a new diaper....but still not a diaper lover. *grins*

Last week, I left my car at the mechanic and took a LONG walk to the movie theater. I was all by myself with my music on this beautiful sunny day. It felt so good to be alone. I forgot what it was like to spend some time with myself. It was like meeting an old best friend....so familiar and comfortable. I spent time thinking about my past and my future. The smell of the wild flowers brought back memories of childhood. It was a wonderful experience. Everyone should make time for themselves. It revitalized my soul and gave me the energy that I was lacking. I felt truly happy and at peace that day.

  

And a week before THAT.....Chrissy came to visit. We went for a nice walk by the lake and had a FABULOUS dinner at The Shanty. The bartender must have been new because he made my drink REALLY strong. That was ok with me! After dinner, we headed back to Chrissy's hotel where I did her special scene with her. The next day, we went to Shelburne Museum which was lots of fun. I really enjoyed the animated toys. They were like giant moving music boxes. Very neat. I also enjoyed the 50's house. Chrissy put a bib on me and took a picture by the high chair. I was so terrified that someone would come in but they didn't. After the museum, we went back to the hotel for some more play. Chrissy wanted to be spanked so I did that. Then it was time to go. We were supposed to meet the next morning for breakfast but I ended up having to help my sister move in. We might be getting together again for the Brimfield Antique Show. Yay!

Perfect Day

Look! It really is! The sun is out with scattered clouds. It's cool and a bit breezy. It is gorgeous!!! I think I'm convinced that summer is over. I want to do so many things today (many of which aren't even possible). I want to go apple picking, go for a walk, go the pumpkin festival, go to the fair, go for a bike ride, go horseback riding.....anything outside.

The fair starts tomorrow. I love the fair! I love maple cotton candy and felafel and the pretty lights and all of the animals and the GIANT sand sculpture and watching the people and the tiger show and the lumberjack show and the sheep contest thingy. My sister and I are going on Sunday. I can't wait!

Dear People of the World:

-Please use your blinker, especially if you're going to dart in front of me leaving only inches to spare. At least give me a little warning.
-Please don't hang up on me when I'm in the middle of saying something. That's just not fair AND it's rude.
-Please don't talk about me in languages that I don't understand. That's just plain mean. Makes me feel like a kid in school again. Blech!
-Please do your work so that others don't have to pick up the slack. It's likely that they are just as tired and sore as you are. You would probably put up a fuss if you were the one picking up the slack so don't do it to others AND I already told you what to do YESTERDAY.
-Please try to find another job if you are physically unable to do the one you have now. We've all made compromises for you.....and I don't like maggots! So just do what you gotta do.
-Please pick up the wrapper on the ground instead of just walking by. We all share this world.
-Please don't throw the wrapper on the ground in the first place.
-Please do what you can to be happy in life. You owe it to yourself. Life is short and time is quickly wasting away. What if there isn't anything after death? What if you just die and that's it? For all you know, this is it, so make the best of it.
-Please take care of your children, physically AND emotionally. You simply cannot grasp how much of a mark you will leave on their future.
-Please don't judge me for my differences. I am an intelligent, strong, good natured, good hearted, mostly happy woman and I will make a terrific mom. Just because I like to stay young, doesn't mean I can't care for my (as of right now, non-existent) kids.
-Please be nice to each other, learn to forgive. Don't hurt people, especially if they didn't do anything to hurt you.
-Please pull your pants up. We don't REALLY want to know what's underneath.
-......and please wear sunscreen.

Sooo.....pleeeease? I said the magic words.

Love, me

Poly Cunfuzzlement

John and I have been seeing each other a lot lately. I've been having a good time with him. This last time we got together, we talked about polyamory. I brought up all the good things about it and he brought up many of his hesitations. He doesn't think he can do it. When we said goodbye, he mentioned that he's looking forward to our next date. He said he's really enjoying dating me. Wait a minute....dating me? John knows about Tom. That means that John is in a poly situation whether he wants to be or not....and it's working out. He's jealous of Tom but he still seems to be happy and enjoying himself with me. So where is this all going? What does he expect to come of this dating? Is he willing to try the poly or is he hoping that I'll say goodbye to Tom and be with him again?

That leads me to another thought that has been plaguing my mind lately. John doesn't want kids so, whether we wanted to be together or not, things wouldn't work out with just him alone no matter what because I'm still uncertain about the kids. I think I want them. I'm having those baby crazy feelings again. Is it just hormones? Some days I feel like I'd be perfectly happy without them and other days, I can't see myself living without them. I know I'm only 23 but I have this fear that I'm going to miss my opportunity. I think I'd make a great mom. So what if Tom and I had kids? What would that mean for my future with Tom? What about Tom's wife? What about John?

The last thought that I have had running through my head is marriage. Like most little girls, I've always dreamed of the white picket fence, husband, and kids. Part of that dream was a wedding. The crazy stupid thing is that the wedding is just a big party that lasts a day.....one single day. It's not THAT big of a deal....and SOCIETY is the one who put this dream in my head. So why do I want it so badly? I wasn't even thinking about it until I saw Nanny McPhee. The wedding that the mom had is just like the one I would want. I guess I could still have the wedding without the paperwork if everyone agreed to it.....or not. Not sure how everyone would feel about that though. *shrugs* These are not questions to be pondering now.

I'm not sure how to mix my ideas of "normal" with who I really am and what I want in life. I don't agree with society. I don't want to live by society's rules. That white picket fence dream is EXACTLY what society expects from us all.....not poly, not BDSM, not ageplay. So, again, I should just go with the flow and do what feels right at the time. I can't live without BDSM and ageplay. I'm not sure if I'd be more happy in a monogamous relationship or a poly situation. They both have their ups and downs. I don't know if I want kids, but if I do, I'll have them when the time comes. So on I go, towards the unknown future.

Car Craziness and Money

I've been having some car troubles for a while now. It wouldn't shift into gear unless I took my foot off the gas and when it did shift, it clunked into gear. I was so afraid that I was going to need a new transmission. I've been saving up money, trying to get $1000 in the bank for emergencies and trying to pay off my debt....then this happened. I was freaking out! I was going to be farther in the hole than I was when I first started saving money if I had to get a new transmission.

I brought the car to the shop last week and the guy told me he couldn't figure it out without taking it apart and that alone would cost $400. Fixing it could cost up to $2400 he said. I couldn't get out of there fast enough. I brought my car to a different place yesterday and the guy flushed the system, changed the filter, and put in some sort of additive. The car is now running smoothly again and should stay that way for another 50K miles which is really all I need. It only cost me $240 and that included an oil change. Yay!!!

So now I have one credit card paid off with one to go. I'll have $1000 in the bank by mid-September and the other credit card paid off by December 31st. I'm planning on not buying gifts for Christmast this year (sorry guys!). I'll bake instead (num, num!). I'm planning on saving every penny until I meet my goals. Plus, I just got another raise and am expecting ONE MORE raise in October. This should help a lot. I'm going to be financially free and I can't wait! Can't wait to call up Dave Ramsey and scream I'M DEBT FREEEEEE!!!! Then I'll start saving for a new car since mine will kick the bucket eventually and then a house. Yay!!!

Boy Parts

This last weekend, I tried a strap on and was completely turned on by it. I always had a fantasy about using a double dildo strap on thingy with a girl (maybe that opportunity will arise in the future) but I wasn't sure if the reality of it would be as good as the fantasy. Well, it was! I mean, I didn't feel a whole lot because I didn't have anything inside me but the movement and position was hot! I'm sure it would be even better if I had on vibrating panties or something inside of me. Maybe next time.

I am strangely and embarassingly fascinated by boy parts. They stick up and they hang down. They're squishy but hard. How does it feel to walk around with an erection? How does it feel to just play with it when it's limp? How does it feel to tuck it safely into a diaper? How does it feel to have your balls tugged on? I want to know what it feels like! That is something that I'll never be able to feel. That's so weird to me because I want to try everything in life! Boy parts are so strange....so I guess I'll just keep poking at them since that's all I CAN do. :-)

Side Note: I'm very happy as a girl. I love being a girl. I would never want to be a boy because....well....I'm a girl. I'm just curious about the boy parts and want to know what it feels like.

Lots of Little Last Weekend

Tom came to visit this past weekend. We spent most of the day lounging around the house on Saturday. We played some video games, had some yummy pizza in town, went food shopping, took a nap, played a lot together in all sorts of fun adult ways, spent some little time together, and then had a crazy dinner. For dinner, Tom put a diaper on me, dressed me in a onesie, gave me a bottle and some tinkerbell cutlery, and stuck a bib on me. Then he cut up my food and let me eat. Crazy part is, my sister was home and eating with us. Him and her kept commenting on how I was a little girl and couldn't do this or that and how I needed help and was making a mess. Ack! I was completely embarrassed and ecstatic all at the same time. I was doing some rapid cycling between being little and happy and bouncy and being big and embarassed and wanting to hide. The tug to be little was so strong that I ended up just giving into it. After dinner, Tom and I went for a walk down the quiet country road. It was a very relaxing day.

We spent Sunday morning enjoying some more adult play together. Then Tom and I got into some CRAZY thick diapers. I believe I had 4 on and he had 2 with maybe 5 boosters. After we were sufficiently padded, we headed to the good will store and Lowes to look for some kinky fun. We came up with a few ideas but didn't come home with anything too exciting. Then we went to see Nanny McPhee! Not a bad movie. Wholesome and good for the soul. We drank A LOT and you know what happens when littles drink a lot. *grins*

After the movie, we stopped at the Vermont Teddy Bear Factory for a tour. Our diapers were about to explode at that point so we decided to change out of them. Tom didn't have any problems but just as I started undoing the tapes, a MILLION GAJILLION people showed up in the bathroom. I stayed in the stall, motionless, for what seemed like forever until everyone was gone. As soon as I heard the last person leave, I ripped off the diapers and ran to the trash before anyone else came in. Eeeep! I was mortified! I was sure that everyone was staring at me when I came out of the bathroom. Everyone knew EXACTLY what I was doing. Of course they didn't. It's funny how your brain works like that.

When we got home from the teddy bear factory, we ate some dinner and sadly said our goodbyes. I hate goodbyes. :-(

Being A Kid..And Other Stuff

I was cleaning for one of my clients the other day while the kids were home. They had friends over and were just having a grand ole time throwing balls, listening to music, and playing house. I wanted to be a kid again so badly in that moment. They were so carefree with not a worry in the world. I remember those days. I understand now why adults said we'd miss these days. If I only knew then what I know now.

In other news, my ex and I spent some time together the other night. We sat by the fire roasting sausages and smershmallows...erm, marshmallows. We reminisced about days gone by and shared a nice kiss at the end of the night. We still love each other. There's some sort of crazy connection between us. I miss him. There were some important things missing in our relationship though....and he doesn't want kids. It makes me sad. I wonder if he'd ever consider the poly. I'm thinking not. It's too bad though because I think it could really work. Maybe he'll reconsider one day.

My Tom is coming this weekend. I'm very excited. I haven't seen him for 3 weeks now. Eeek! Far too long. He broke his hand 3 weeks ago and it's still healing so I'm not sure how much play we're going to get to. I still have so many ideas filed away in my head. *evil grin* Looking forward to doing some swimming and snuggling and just being with him in general. Mmmmm......

Lastly, I got my new paci in the mail. Look! Oscar is watching over it for me. It's not bad but I like my old one better. The glow in the dark button is kinda cool but I think the shield is too small. That and I can't put a paci clip on it so it disappears in the night. Maybe I'll just order the plain Nuk 5 again. We'll see.

Camp Crucible Memories

I've been thinking about how to write about camp for quite some time now. I decided that nothing would do it justice. It was simply too amazing. There really are no words to describe the feelings you get from being at camp. Everyone becomes family. There is no judgement. It's wonderful!

Sooooo, in no particular order, here are a couple of the highlights:

- Seeing old friends again and meeting MANY new ones.
- Swimming naked in the sun.
- Painting Fort Awesome (and a few people as well).
- Playing on some GIANT bouncy ball thingies that Baby Richard brought. So much fun!
- Driving the taxi....and almost crashing but not quite.
- Being kidnapped while in the middle of a taxi run. I hope my passengers found a new driver!
- Getting hit by 5 different people with all sorts of implements right in front of headquarters (and everyone there) until I broke down crying. Eeek!
- Fire play with Bear. Mmmmm....
- A medical scene with Uncle Denny. More needles please!
- Cathing someone for the first time. Thanks for trusting me, Chrissy!
- Topping someone for the first time. This was the start to much more.....;-)
- Being strapped into the stroller and rolled out in front of everyone at the pony show. Ack!
- Trying pony play for the first time. Very cool.
- Trying a tens unit for the first time. Who'da thunk that electricity could hurt?
- "I can make you a....pony, pony, pony, pony..."
- Drunk naked men with glowing rings around their cocks.
- Midnight snack with friends. Very relaxing. Great place to meet new people.
- Playing an.....interesting....game of blackjack at the casino. Hehe.
- Changing someone else's diaper for the first time.
- Being strapped into a high chair and bondage mitts in the middle of the cafeteria for dinner.
- Being robo-fucked. Wow! Just.....wow!
- The auction. Yay!
- Watching fireflies dance across a dark field on a cool night. Gorgeous.
- Sharing a very powerful impact play scene with Uncle Denny.
- Watching the start of a crucifixion.....which just happened to be interrupted by lightning and thunder.
- Throwing water balloons into Baby Richard's diaper.
- Being fondled by 2 different people at once. *blushes*
- Frazier driving around on his little tripod thingy.
- Snuggling...A LOT.
- Playing on the swingset.
- Watching some REALLY cool scenes, a few of which I would love to try sometime.
- Watching the fire spinning from afar.
- Taking George, the GIANT teddy bear from the littles cabin, home. Thank you SOOO much!
- Touching people, being touched, loving, being loved, and not being judged.

I'll probably be updating this with other memories and photos as they come up. I can't wait until next year.

Is it camp yet?

http://www.campcrucible.com/

Arrrgh!

....and that's what I have to say about that! I'm feeling grumptastic today...shedding silent tears. However, I don't really WANT to feel this way. Being happy is so much better and it's really not that hard to do. Sooooo.....away I go to PRETEND happy happy land where I fake it all. I'll walk through the gate and put on my forced smile, talk really loudly about cheerful things, and try not to tazer everyone I see (although that would be REALLY fun).

After spending some time in pretend happy happy land, maybe I'll find my way back to the REAL happy happy land where everything is gay and merry...for real. This has worked before so I'll try it out and see what happens. This is only for today. Things will be better tomorrow. Grumpiness ebbs and flows. This too shall pass.

Make It Real

I like this. I think it speaks more about life than it does about fabric though.

"make it the latest trend, then abandon it, and start a new one. make it something that turns heads. make it you. make it real. make it an overheated sewing maching at 3am. make it transform a pile of scrap fabric into a next level handbag. make it new. make it sparkle. make it do the talking for you. make it something that everyone will call a statement, but you'll just call a random tuesday."

THAT is my life....and I love it.

Another Wonderful Weekend

Cheesecake. Yum!!!
Vietnamese Food. More yum!!
CBT. 'Nuff said.
Rollerblading. Knees don't make good brakes.
Hiking in rollerblades. We had to find our way back to the paved path.
Torture. Pulling hairs can add a lot to a scene. *evil grin*
Beach time. Slippery rocks and zebra muscles don't like already skinned knees. Oops!
Swimming in the pool. Water slides!!!!
Sex, sex, sex! *growl*
Climbing Mount Philo. Vermont is a gorgeous state, especially from the top of a mountain.
Financial advice. I can do this.
Diapers, bottles, and bibs. Oh my!