Halloween Party, Littles Invasion, and a Family Event

I visited my family last weekend. It was a short but good visit. We all carved pumpkins. Mine was a spider web with 2 spiders and a fly. My sister won with the booby pumpkin. We also went to a corn maze. This one was A LOT smaller than the one I went to with John and they gave us a map so it went by pretty quickly. It was a lot of fun though. We ended the night with a yummy dinner at the Olive Garden.

I had my Halloween party last weekend. It was so awesome!!! I absolutely loved it. Almost everyone was able to come, which was great. Onii and Andrea arrived the night before. On Saturday, we picked Frankie up from the airport, ran some errands, cooked for the party, and decorated. We had black lights, spider webs, balloons, streamers, strobe lights, and skulls.. The costumes were pretty awesome too. I wish I had pictures.  I was a broken doll. Andrea was a Toddlers in Tiaras princess. Tom was a black cat. There was an Adventureland costume, a hobo, Rufio from Hook, the pied piper, a dead baby, a princess, and a mad scientist. We played some Rock Band, experimented with mixing drinks, watched some Epic Rap Battles of History, watched a BDSM scene that Tom was a part of, and had a lot of great conversation. Everyone crashed on the air mattresses and futons in the living room while watching Madagascar 3. 

The next morning, I cooked pancakes and sausage for the entire crew. There was a lot of hanging out and talking. The conversation never died. Eventually we headed out for lunch, ran around the mall trying to have some fun before the stores closed, and then came home for some more Rap Battles of History. Finally it was time for people to go. Saying goodbye lasted several hours. You know that the company is good when you don't want to go home. I had so much fun. I definitely want to throw another party soon. 

The Littles Invasion is next weekend. I'm so excited that I get to see everyone again! It's going to be a Superheroes Thanksgiving theme. I can't decide what I want to go as. I can dress in the zentai suit and be invisible, I can wear my Batman shirt, or I can wear my monster hat. Everyone is signing up for food, which is great. I'm going to cook a roast of some sort. Trying to come up with an awesome activity to do. The next Invasion after this one is going to be in December, less than a month away. We're going to have another Nerf gun war and we might build some forts too. And Santa will be there! Yay!

Live Your Life

Puppy Stuff and Stuff

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And The Cup Overflows

I've been struggling lately. I'm stressing out big time about all sorts of things. I feel a bit like a kid trying to make adult decisions. That's what we all are really....just a bunch of kids, learning how to be grown up. I always expected to hit a certain age and then I'd be grown up. I'd know ALL the things at that magical age. I'd be confident in every decision. I'd know what to do, no matter what. That's not how it works though. You learn through trial and error, just like you always have. Nothing changes except that you have more successes and failures to look back on. You grow wise slowly and sometimes painfully. It makes me look at my parents a bit differently. Some people never do grow up....but that's a different story.

I don't know what I should be doing now. My heart says one thing and my head says something else. Both are important to listen to. I keep searching for answers by asking people what they think but nobody can help. Everyone is either biased in one way or another or not familiar enough with the situation to offer any real advice. It's a lonely position to be in. I've got plenty of support, which is really helpful and heart warming, but nobody can tell me what to do.

I feel like I'm actually trying to make a decision for both me and my unborn children. This is causing me to look at life a little bit differently than usual. It feels very strange. I only say that I feel like a kid making adult decisions because I've been escaping into little space a lot lately as a coping mechanism for my stress but really, I'm thinking much more logically than usual. Apparently, looking at the world through "Mom Goggles" causes me to take some emotion out of the equation. It's not just my life that my decisions are affecting anymore. Don't worry, I'm not pregnant....but I DO want children someday. The problem is, I'm having a hard time facing the facts. The emotion is still there, I'm just able to look at things without it a bit easier. I go through a period of thinking logically and then I go through a period of thinking emotionally and it's exhausting.

This big stress in my life is making it difficult to handle smaller stresses. The weekend hasn't even started yet and it's already been filled with tiny disappointments. My family was supposed to go to the Great Escape tomorrow, something I've been looking forward to for months now, but plans changed. Then I was supposed to leave for VT tonight but wasn't able to because a payment came out of my account that I wasn't expecting to come out until next week, so I have to wait until the morning to get my paycheck. This little financial snaffu also forced me to skip out on going to a movie that I'd been planning on going to since last week. Then I found out that my boss scheduled a dog for me to groom on Sunday, which means I need to come back early from my trip. Finally, my tea ball exploded while I was pouring the water into my cup. It was all too much. I started to cry. Luckily Daddy was there to save the day. He strained my tea and made me sit there smelling the relaxing aromatic fumes until I calmed down. Then my OCDness kicked in and I cleaned all the things in the kitchen before running off into the seclusion of my bedroom under the stairs.

I honestly don't want to do anything right now. All I want to do is sleep. I'm slowly slipping into a state of depression. Knowing this, I'm doing everything in my power to stay out of it. I get moments of blissful happy because I'm lucky and have a very active little side, which is helpful. Today I put on a dider, my footie jammies, and my fuzzy monster hat while I snuggled with my kitten, drank hot chocolate, and listened to the rain. It was nice for a long time....until everyone came home and reality hit again that there are still problems in my world. Trying to stay excited about the halloween party next weekend, which seems to be working well. I AM excited. Planning on working out a menu and shopping list for the party on Sunday when I get back from work. Looking forward to spending some time with my family tomorrow and going to a corn maze. I'm ok. I CAN do this. I'll figure it out. In the meantime....pictures of littleness....

After our ageplay munch on Sunday, Daddy, LilPolarBear, and I bought cupcakes!!! I got a Cookie Monster one. I ate him while he ate the cookie. Num, num!

Me!....happy dancing....'cause that's what little girls do. :-)

(Don't look for too long or you'll get dizzy. Trust me.)

My super duper awesome hat of monsterness!!! I think I might be wearing this to the next Littles Invasion (which is only 2 weeks away!!!).

And to wrap it all up with some kinky dirty thoughts ('cause who doesn't like those?), *whispers shyly* I think I'm turning into a dirty slut. Eeep! I've been reading dirty dirty stories and looking at dirty dirty pictures and thinking of dirty dirty thoughts. I seem to like butt things, and being watched, and forced to do things, and being used like a toy. I like so many dirty things! It's so embarrassing! It's kinda ridiculous that I can embarrass myself even when nobody else is around. Hehe. 

Losing Control or Gaining It?

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