Stability

Wow! Life has been crazy lately. I'm so happy about it though. My job is going so super splendidly well. I was told by my manager that they are officially offering me the supervisors position. I have to wait until mid March to get the salary increase and schedule change but I feel like a weight has been lifted. She said that it was refreshing to have me in this position and that she doesn't see any of the weaknesses that my previous boss mentioned. Yay! *happy dances*

I didn't end up going to the dinner with my family. My dad, stepmom, and one of my sisters were pretty upset about it but I think that it was the right thing for me to do. My dad and I definitely still need to talk. There's no doubt about that. I think I need to get serious with him though and tell him how I really feel about all of this. No more sugar coating and fluffing to avoid discomfort. It just prolongs the pain and makes things unclear. I feel like we've both been putting on a sort of show. It's time to just put everything on the table and hash it out.

The weekend that I was supposed to go to my dads, I went to visit Tom instead. It ended up being a super awesome weekend. On Saturday, we bundled up head to toe and went snowshoeing after sharing a Valentines Day lunch of Indian food. While snowshoeing we saw a group of 3 deer walking through the woods. It was amazing to watch them. They were so close to us. We stood there quietly watching them until they were gone over the hill.

The next day, LilPolarBear came to visit and we went sledding. We got a couple of good runs in before the 2 tubes died on us. While Tom was bringing one of the sleds back to the car, Josh and I looked at the clouds and tried to find shapes. Then we tried to scoot along on the sleds, 'cause we were little and being silly. I'm sure that it looked REALLY dirty to any onlookers but that didn't cross my mind until afterwards. When Tom returned, we headed to the park at the bottom of the hill. I have to tell you, going down slides that are covered in snow with snow pants on......SUPER fun! It's so fast! The old school merry-go-round was awesome too. Tom was a sweetheart and spun it for us. SO much fun!

After sledding, we went to the ageplay munch where we met a cool Canadian wearing a cookie monster shirt. There was some great conversation and an awesome game of Spot It. I think this is my new favorite game. Definitely coming with us to all future littles munches....and maybe the Invasion too. After the munch, we did some roleplaying....and not the dirty kind. I finally decided to join the game and discovered that it's actually a lot of fun. Hurray!

Last weekend, Andrea came to visit. We chatted and chatted and then went to bed. When we woke up, we chatted and chatted and chatted some more. We're really good at talking. It felt so warm and comfortable and smooshy. She brought me some SUPER gorgeous flowers for Valentines Day and the baby Tinkerbell doll that XBBX brought back for me from Disney.

On the responsible adult side of things, I've built my debt chain up to 13 links. Tom gave me a link for Valentines Day, which was super romantic. Hehe. I've started taking anti-anxiety meds, which should help me out a lot. I also have an appointment with a surgeon next month to talk about getting my feet fixed up. I'm also taking an awesome allergy med, which really seems to be helping a lot. So hurray for all of that!

So life is going very smoothly. My relationships are awesome. My job is awesome. My health is getting there. I'm excited. :-)

Noise

For the last couple of weeks, I've been full speed ahead at work. I've been hyper focused on it while neglecting other areas of my life. These other areas of my life are important too though and deserve just as much time, if not more. I've been feeling good, accomplishing things, moving forward, and didn't notice the fact that I was dropping the ball on some things. I feel like I'm trying to juggle too many balls at once and some of those balls are starting to fall down. All I want to do is duck and cover so I don't get hit. My world feels noisy and loud and busy all of a sudden. I'm not following through on some obligations. I think that, in order to keep from disappointing people, I'm going to have to be honest with myself and to them. I just can't juggle all of those balls anymore. Either that or I'll have to become a better choreographer. Hopefully exhaustion doesn't take over and cause all of the balls to come crashing down.

Next weekend, my dad is hosting a dinner for my 2 sisters and I. It's a celebratory dinner for my promotion and my 2 sisters' engagements. The 2 fiances have been invited but Tom has not been. I want to ask my dad if he can come too but I have a feeling that he's not welcome. When I mentioned this to my sister, she said that Tom wasn't invited for a reason and "Don't make things awkward." This angers me. I'm left with several questions now. Do I ask my dad if Tom can come? If I do ask and he says no, do I go to the dinner alone or not go at all? Should I just bring Tom along with me without asking and make a bold statement? 

I'm feeling less and less tolerant of my family's close mindedness these days. I want to make a stand. The problem is, this is likely to come off as being selfish. I'm not trying to steal the limelight here. I'm just trying to be treated fairly. I deserve that. I haven't done anything wrong. I feel that it's important to stand up for what you believe in and stand up for your partner. It's natural that, at some point in your life, you break off from your parents and form your own life, form your own relationships, and stand behind your partner(s) in your mutual beliefs.

What would you do?

In response to the comment:


My dad and I have had several conversations about Tom and my lifestyle choices. My father refuses to accept the fact that polyamory has nothing to do with cheating. He is convinced that Tom is cheating on his wife by being with me despite the fact that the 3 of us have lived together for the last year and a half. He told me that if Tom and I ever had kids, he doesn't think he could be a part of their lives.

My dad has told me why he feels this way. My mother cheated on my dad with my stepfather. My dad was obviously very hurt by this. I understand his pain. This situation is nothing like that though and he refuses to open his mind to that possibility. He's flabbergasted that I would even consider living my life in a way that he doesn't approve of.

I suppose I could just ask him if Tom is welcome but I can see him being angry that I would ask knowing how he feels about it all. Still need to decide whether or not I'm going to go to the dinner if he says no though.