Little in the Big City

I went to visit with Mommy and Lettice again this past weekend. When I arrived, Mommy was busy cooking breakfast. We ate quickly and then Mommy decided that she needed some time with her fuck machine....or "farn" machine as I call it. No swearing allowed, you know. Lettice got her all set up and then ran the machine from his Ipad while I sucked on Mommy's nipples. Occasionally Lettice would lean over and join me. This was totally a dirty incest ageplay fantasy that I never thought I had come true. Lots of fun! Once Mommy had had enough, she headed off to the shower with Lettice while I handled my own pent up needs.

Soon, it was time to hit the road. Mommy took our hands in hers and led us through the streets of the city. She stopped at each corner, holding us back until she was sure that it was safe to cross. I love how she does this. I love how all of our fingers end up wrapped around one of hers. I love watching her wave her hand behind her back, almost thoughtlessly, searching for our grasp whenever we head back out after stopping somewhere. I also loved that she took possession of our wallets and swiped our cards for us at the subway turnstiles and at the various establishments that we visited. There are so many little details like this that add up to something very special.

We wandered around Chinatown for a bit stopping for a bite to eat, and then took the water taxi across town to pick up some of Mommy's art. The man at the ticket counter for the ferry was very interested in Mommy and us babies. Mommy showed off a bit by giving Lettice a drink from her bottle. It's always entertaining to watch people's reactions to us. They vary from disgust and confusion to joy and longing. The boat ride was so amazing. The city was beautiful. I could see the Statue of Liberty on one side and the Empire State Building on the other. The bridge that we went under was gorgeous. It felt great to just enjoy the moment, in no rush to be anywhere, watching the sun set, and feeling the breeze against my skin.

The next morning, Mommy decided to make breakfast again. She was missing some supplies though so Lettice and I ran out to get them. We ended up having to make 3 trips! It started to feel like a slapstick comedy skit after a while, in and out the door, tripping over things to get kisses from Mommy. It was entertaining. On my last trip out, Johnny asked for a juice so I got him a Naked. He exclaimed that it reminded him of the 90's. I don't interact with him much so I was really excited to be able to bring a smile to his face. He joined us for breakfast, which was delicious, as always....organic eggs, tomatoes from the garden, thick-cut Boar's Head bacon, and pesto. Yum!

After breakfast, Mommy and Lettice started to get things ready to go to the beach while I washed the dishes. I watched the bustle and smiled, loving the feeling of being part of the family. I love the comfort of knowing a home....knowing where the cups are, knowing whether the cat is allowed in or out, being a part of keeping things running, and just the overall feeling of familiarity that builds the more time you spend somewhere.

The trip to the beach felt long but it was enjoyable. On our way out, a neighbor stopped us to give us some fresh champagne grapes from his garden. They were delicious! Lettice and I poked fun at each other and quietly giggled about silly things. Every now and then, Mommy would ask what it was about and we'd just laugh. It was fun to play with my sister in this way.

Once we got to the beach, we set up our sun shade, enjoyed some sandwiches, some beer, and some "Mommy drinks" before heading into the water. I seriously love being at the beach. It's sooooo relaxing and refreshing. Eventually, Lettice and I went to fly the stunt kite. Lettice taught me how to do it, step by step. She's a super great teacher. She held my hands at first to guide the kite until I got the hang of it. It was a blast. When we got back, Mommy was heading into the water so we ran in after her. Then she introduced us to her little moth friend who came to visit while we were gone.

When it was time to leave, Mommy pulled our swim suits off and put diapers on us, right there on the beach. We definitely got some strange looks but I think it's mostly because we chose to go topless for a while. At one point, Mommy decided that Lettice needed her paci in her mouth. Eventually, the paci ended up in my mouth. I was really embarrassed about it so I tried to put it back in Lettice's mouth.....which was not the right answer. Mommy put it right back in my mouth and told me to keep it there. I'm not sure what it was exactly but I found this to be really exciting.

The ride home from the beach was pretty awesome. Mommy and I were feeling super connected so there was lots of kissing. There was also a lot of giggling because Mommy had decided to wear a pull up. She wet it but didn't quite realize what it would be like to use it and wear it for an extended period. There was a lot of commentary and questions about the ordeal, which I found to be quite amusing in a giggly "little" sort of way. When we got home, Mommy helped Lettice and I shower and then it was time for snuggling on the couch while watching Totoro. This didn't last long though because we were exhausted so we cut the movie short and headed to bed. Mommy put us into the crib and kissed us goodnight and then headed home.

The next morning, Lettice went to school (aka work) and I met up with Mommy at a local diner for breakfast. Mommy ordered for me and we chatted....and chatted and chatted and chatted. It was great. I spilled my drink, in true "little" form, so Mommy had me use both hands for the rest of breakfast. After a while, we headed out and stopped at a nearby thrift shop where we browsed and tried things on for the next hour or two. I loved shopping with Mommy. It was a lot of fun. Eventually, it was time to go. It was really hard to leave. It seems to get harder and harder each time. I know we'll see each other again soon though.

June 23, 2009 - January AB B&B Visit

Saturday morning finally arrived. I was on my way to see my friends at their AB bed and breakfast. As I waited for my baggage in Baltimore, butterflies turned in my stomach. A million questions ran through my head. What am I getting into? How old is everyone? What is everyone like when they are little? Will I be judged for being myself? Are they going to want me to play with them in a sexual way? What will it be like sleeping in a crib? Will any of the dresses that they have fit me? What will we be doing exactly? ....and on and on and on. Finally my friend arrived and so did my bag. The questions running through my head stopped but the butterflies doubled.

When we got to the car, Chrissy asked me if I wanted to sit in the car seat. I thought it was really sweet of her to think about bringing it for me. I said yes and she set it up in the backseat. I was very nervous at first about being seen in it. I find that when I get nervous like that, I get tunnel vision. All I see is the person I'm talking to. Everything else goes away. It helps me stay calm and just enjoy the moment...and I did enjoy the moment. I really enjoyed being able to swing my legs back and forth. I felt very little. I wish it weren't so high though. I couldn't see outside. Maybe I should have brought my 5-point harness, I thought. I wouldn't have had room for it though.

Little time started as soon as I entered the house. After giving Bethie and Denny a quick hug and hello and getting a small tour of the house, I was whisked away to be put in a diaper and dress. Awkward would be the word to describe how that went...at first. I was bound onto the gyno table, had a pacifier shoved in my mouth, and a bib tied around my neck before smiling for pictures. After pictures came the diapers. Chrissy thought that her and I were the same size. It was flattering at first but when she tried to put her cloth diapers on me and they didn't fit, I started feeling embarrassed and ashamed. It didn't help that the legs on the table put me in a difficult position to be diapered. It was an overwhelming first experience.

That feeling dissipated quickly after I climbed into the playpen downstairs. There's just something about playpens that make me feel so little. It was fun to play with the dance mat that had been placed in the crib. Then I was askedif I wanted some chair time. I said sure, not certain of what I was agreeing to. Chair time involved sitting on Nanny P's lap in the big leather chair for story time. It wasn't long before I felt myself slip away into little headspace. Unfortunately, I spoke in my little voice and told her that the Zultan figure that I was staring at was scary. She didn't understand what I was saying. Her reaction set me up to stay out of a deep headspace for the rest of the weekend. It wasn't her fault, I was just...shy.

Then it was lunch time. I was helped into the big blue highchair, had a bib tied around my neck, and my lunch placed before me. Being able to drink out of a bottle, eat with my fingers, and be served my lunch in those cute little baby bowls was so exciting for me. Bottles are another thing that make me feel so little. I really enjoyed it. Throughout lunch I drifted in and out of little space as the topic of conversation changed.

Sometime after lunch, everyone headed upstairs for some BDSM playtime. After coming down from subspace and cleaning up a bit, my Uncle Denny changed my diaper. What a calming experience. I felt so little. I was then taken by the hand and brought downstairs to watch the remainder of The Goonies with the rest of the gang. After that, we had dinner. This time I sat in the brown highchair, which quickly became my favorite. It made me feel like a real little girl. I liked how similar it was to the chairs I sat in when I was a baby. It didn't hurt that it was more stable and closer to the ground than the other ones.

After dinner we headed for the hot tub. There was some entertaining conversation about past years at Camp Crucible and memories from days gone by. Soon it was time to dry off and settle down for a movie. We all cuddled up on the floor for the Tinkerbell movie and some popcorn. Again I got to drink from my beautiful bottle. I can't get enough of the bottle. When the movie was over, I was taken by the hand for a diaper change and bedtime. Once I was tucked in, my Uncle Denny brought in the baby monitor and said goodnight. It wasn't long before I was sleeping soundly.

The next morning I woke up early, as I always do. I sat up in my crib listening hard to see if anyone was awake. No sound was heard. I sat there for a long time watching the room light up as the sun rose outside. Again, I drifted in and out of little space. Part of me wanted to call for someone and throw my teddy bear out of frustration that I was stuck until someone helped me. Part of me respected the fact that everyone was tired from the night before and might not want to get up at the same time I do. I considered the fact that I could get out myself if I really wanted to. That wouldn't have been any fun though. Finally I heard people talking downstairs. Luckily, I felt the need to sneeze at around that time which caught Nanny P's attention over the baby monitor. She came in and let me out of the crib. I rushed downstairs to see everyone sitting on the couch. I was excited that the day had finally started. As excited as I was, looking back now, it's hard to remember the exact order of events.

Once everyone was downstairs, we all sat down for breakfast. More high chairs, bibs, bottles, finger food, baby bowls, and little headspace. I can't get enough of that. Then I got to change into the pretty pink dress that bethie and Denny let me have. I felt so girly in it. I loved it! It would be my first real baby dress. After getting changed, I headed into the bedroom to help Chrissy out with a fantasy of hers. I won't go into much detail here since it was mostly about her. I'll simply state that I was uncomfortable at first but it wasn't long before I got into the picture taking aspect of it. I'm very imaginative so I enjoyed being able to get creative with angles and lighting. When that scene was through, we all headed back downstairs for lunch. After lunch, we all got cleaned up for a photo shoot in the crib, which was lots of fun. Then we had some more BDSM playtime.

After coming back to reality and getting a diaper change, I headed downstairs for some dinner. Yummy! Then it was time for some hilarious Jeff Dunham. He's gotta be one of my favorite comedians now. I like that it's clean (for the most part) and politically incorrect. I'm not sure what happened after that because I was starting to get sleepy. I think a movie was put in or maybe everyone started talking. It wasn't long before I fell asleep on the floor though. Before I knew it, I was being taken by the hand and led upstairs. Once in bed, I fell right back to sleep.

The next morning I was let out of the crib early. It was a sad day and you could feel it in the house. It was departure day. I took a shower and got dressed in my big girl clothes. *pout* I packed some things up and then headed downstairs for breakfast. Breakfast was delicious. Even though I couldn't sit in the highchair, I still got to use the bottle and a bib. I didn't want to let go of little time. I had as many bottles as I could fit into breakfast. I couldn't hold on forever though. I helped pack everything into my friend's van and then got led into the barn by Uncle Denny. He showed me the wonderful space he had there that he was going to turn into a BDSM wonderland. Unfortunately, all of this couldn't last forever. It was time to go. I put on my coat and said some sad goodbyes.

I won't ever forget this wonderful weekend. I'll come back to visit as often as possible. I can't wait to see everyone again. It's really hard to truly explain how I feel about the weekend. It was special in so many ways.

I forgot about the magic show!!! How could I forget to add that in? The show was terrific. I'm still trying to figure out how some of those tricks worked. It was another one of those times when I felt really little. I know that you're supposed to just accept it all as magic but I had a fun time trying to figure out how the tricks were done. I figured some of them out but then there were others that I'm still mystified about.

November 12, 2007 - Bee Movie And Friendlys

Daddy and I had a really really good weekend together. I lost my voice so I had to whisper the whole weekend but that was okay. We still had fun. We watched movies together and Daddy tickled me like always. He also read me bedtime stories. We went to Friendly's and Daddy said that I was a really good girl while we were waiting to sit down so I was allowed to have ice cream after lunch. I got lots and lots of gummi bears like always. We played eye spy while we waited for our food. Then I made a face with the forks and knives for Daddy. He held my hand when we crossed the street for the first time. He said I wasn't allowed to cross the street without holding his hand anymore. He also changed my diaper for me one time. He helped me zip up my coat lots of times too because I was having trouble. Then we went to see Bee movie in the theater. We put up the arm rests so I could cuddle with him. I even sucked on my sucie while I was there. Daddy thought that I was really cute this weekend. He always does but he said that I was extra cute. Now he's looking for another baby that I can sometimes play with who lives close by. I hope he finds someone. I love my Daddy so much!!!

September 23, 2007 - The Car Show

Daddy and I had a lot of fun this weekend! We woke up and Daddy started tickling me and talking to me like I was a real little girl...because I am you know! Then I showed him the pictures that I drew for him. They were of my rabbit and my teddy bear and even one of Daddy with his truck. I drew some more for him while he was in bed. One of my kitty cat and one of me playing with my toys. He liked them. He said that he was going to put them up at work. I wish he could really do that...or at least put them on the fridge. I guess I could put them up if I really wanted to.

After having breakfast, we went to a car show. As a little, I was bored but it was actually a lot of fun. Some of the cars were very impressive. While we were there, Daddy bought me some cotton candy, a lollipop, and fried dough. I put LOTS and LOTS of sugar on the fried dough. Daddy said it was too much. I didn't think so. It tasted delicious. I didn't make too much of a mess. I only got a little bit on my shirt and my hands and my pants and my shoes and my face....but it all came off. I forgot to put suntan lotion on so at the end of the day my face was burnt to a crisp.

Later that night we watched a movie and I put my head on his lap to relax. He fed me a bottle of warm milk which made me sleepy. After that, Daddy read me some bedtime stories. There was one about a moon and sun and another one that was scary about a fox. Then it was time for me to go to sleep but I was afraid. The windows were open wide in the bedroom and I though that a man was going to come in. Daddy said he would take care of me though. He gave me my sucie and I fell asleep with my blanket and my teddy bear.

August 3, 2007 - Wetting At Work Again

I love ice cream....a little too much I think. I'm eating some very tasty bubblegum ice cream right now. I really shouldn't be though. First of all, I definitly do not need it. Second, two year olds such as myself could choke the little gum pieces.

I miss my Daddy!!! He's coming home tonight though so I'll get to see him. I want him to hold me and kiss me and tell me that I smell nice like he always does.

This doesn't really mean anything but last night was the first night that I didn't spit out my suce. Usually it gets uncomfortable and I take it out or it will just fall out on its own. I ended up waking up a couple of times in the middle of the night and it was still there. I kept it there until I woke up in the morning. I loved feeling it in my mouth when I woke up. I have to say that it was one of the most comforting feelings that I've ever experienced. I figured that waking up in a crib would have had more of an effect but no. It was the suce. I hope that happens again tonight. Daddy's is going to be here. I always feel comforted when I wake up next to him anyway.

I followed the advice of a fellow DL today and wore a regular diaper to work instead of the Depends Adjustable Underwear like usual. I finally had the confidence to use the diaper at work again. I used to be able to do it without a problem but the fear of leaking has prevented me from doing it for a while now. It was such a relief...in more ways than one. LOL. I went through most of the day without holding it. I ended up having to hold it by the end of the day though because I was sure that it would leak if I went. It was pretty full by that time. I know I should have changed but I didn't have the time. I'm going to have to make the time if I'm planning on being incontinent though. It's a good thing I held it because I let loose as soon as I walked in the door at my house and leaked all down the legs of my pants. The fact that I was able to tell how full my diaper was gives me confidence to use the diapers and change when necessary instead of holding it. So the first step is done, wetting my diaper at work. The next step is to change my diaper at work. Once I can do both of those things without hesitation, I'm sure this 12 month incontinence program will be able to take off. It won't be a problem after that. I'm excited. I feel like this was a breakthrough.

July 10, 2007 - History

So when did all of this start? Well, the first time I remember doing anything babyish was when I was 6 years old. My baby sister was still in diapers. I remember taking one and using it. I wish I could remember my thinking at the time. Why did I do it then? I think it was a one time deal back then. I don't remember doing anything else at that age. I vaguely remember being jealous of my baby sister though. She got a lot of attention.

The second time I remember doing anything was when I was in middle school. My middle sister was wearing pull ups at the time. She had a bedwetting problem for a while. I would take her pull ups and use them at night. When I couldn't get my hands on a pull up, I would put a balled up pair of socks in my underwear so it looked and felt like a diaper. I remember trying to use it but obviously it didn't work well. I also remember taking a water bottle with the spout on top to bed with me. I would fill it with milk and use it like a bottle. Then I would set up my pillows and pretend that I was in a carriage. To me, it was just fun and games. I was playing.

By this point I had another baby sister. She lived with my dad (my parents were divorced). She was still using bottles and a pacifier. When I went to visit them, she would sometimes sleep in the same room as me. I remember trying to take her bottle or pacifier from her after she fell asleep. It never worked though. She always woke up. Then I would get really embarassed. Wanting these things was almost subconcious though. I wasn't really thinking about it while I was doing it. I just knew that I had a strong desire to use a bottle and paci.

These things lasted all through middle school until I got to high school. I didn't do anything babyish through high school. We had moved into a smaller house and I had to share a room with my middle sister so I couldn't do anything without being caught. To be completely honest, I completely forgot about all of it.

They started back up again when I met my current boyfriend. He has a diaper fetish and wanted me to wear them so I did. I loved them. That's when I started finding stuff online about ABs. I had no idea that such a thing existed and that this is what I had been doing all this time. My boyfriend encouraged me to explore this side of myself. I was so excited to be able to have all my baby things without the fear of being found out. So here I am now.

April 19, 2007 - Nuk 5, Teddies, And Past Abuse

Last night was the first time that I hung out with my friends while wearing a diaper. It felt good. It felt....naughty. Hehe. I was a little concerned about them seeing it when I was bent over at some of the arcade games that we were playing on. It went well though. I even wet it while they were standing right there. I was so proud of myself. Sometimes I wish I were incontinent so that I would have a valid excuse for wearing diapers. That way I wouldn't feel so paranoid about being found out. I guess I could still tell people that I'm incontinent if I were ever found out but I'd be in trouble if they started asking more questions about it.

I went to my Moms house today and picked up my rabbit and my teddy bear. It was nice to see them again. It was definitly too early to put them away. I changed my diaper at her house too which was a little scary since she doesn't know but it went smoothly.

When I got home there was a package sitting at my door. It was my new sucie! I was so excited about it. I asked Daddy if I could open it and use it and he said yes. It's definatly not like my colorful old one. It's plain white. I thought I would like this one a lot more but I'm not sure if I do. It's easier to suck on, that's for sure. I guess I just need to get used to it.

I ended up putting on my onesie even though it's too big. I took my blankie, my rabbit, and a bottle of grape juice into the living room to watch a movie but I was so comfortable that I fell asleep. It felt wonderful.

I'm thinking of purchasing some plastic panties. It will help stop leaks at night when I turn over. It will also be added security for when I'm out in public. I've made so many purchases lately though. Maybe I'll wait.

I'm trying to figure out why I like to be an AB so much. I'm thinking that it's because I was emotionally and psychologically abused by my stepdad when I was younger. He stole my childhood and I hate him for it. My sisters and I were forced to grow up way too quickly. Maybe I'm trying to get that back now. I also wonder if it's because I might have been sexually molested when I was 1 or 2 years old by a babysitter. I was obviously still in diapers at that point. Maybe I just forgot about it because I was too traumatized or too young to remember. I don't even know if this happened though. My mom told me she thought I might have been. She said the babysitter would give me baths even when I already had one. She also said that I would come home with strange bruises. I just wish I knew the reason for liking this so much.

Ack! I'm feeling really strange this week. I'm really happy in my life right now but I also feel a little depressed. I know that doesn't make sense. I just remember how much I love my daddy and my life right now and I feel better. I hate this nasty feeling though. It's probably just hormones. I'm starry eyed, head over heals, madly in love with my Daddy. I just started a new job that I love at a daycare. I made all sorts of great friends from my old job. I miss Daddy so much when he's gone during the week though. It's so hard for me when he leaves.

April 17, 2007 - Sucies And Bottles

                                                       A cute video about the Nuk pacifiers.

Daddy bought me my first sucie (pacifier) a couple of weeks ago. At first I was really embarassed to use it in front of him but he gently forced me to keep it in my mouth because he knew I wanted it ohhh so badly. After being praised and seeing his positive reactions, I felt a lot more comfortable with it around him. Now I actually crave it. I have it with me all the time when I'm at home. I miss it when I'm at work or out in public. Sometimes I think of just carrying it with me in my pocket. I want to get one of those clips that connects it to my shirt or pants pocket so I don't lose it. I don't know. It seems silly to want it all the time. I just bought a new sucie that's the right size for big babies like me. It will fit my mouth a little better. I can't wait until it comes. Hopefully my mouth won't hurt so much with this new one.

I also bought a bottle for myself and at first I was drinking juice, milk, and soda out of it but then Daddy surprised me with baby formula. He wrapped me in my blanket, held me in his arms, and fed me a nice warm bottle on the couch. I felt so happy and safe and little. We just sat there and cuddled for a while. Socks, my cat, jumped up on my chest and I started pulling on his ears but Daddy stopped me and taught me how to be nice to kitty. I guess cats don't like it when you pull on their ears. Who would have thought?

After I had my bottle, I ended up wetting my diaper so Daddy held my hand and took me into the bedroom to change me. He laid me down on the bed, took out the baby wipes, baby powder, and a new diaper, and changed me. Daddy really likes the smell of baby powder so sometimes he uses too much but I don't mind. I like the smell too. Then he tucked me in to bed and we both went to sleep.