Puppy Chow - 1st Attempt

When I first started doing puppy play with John, I would often be fed a meal or snack in my bowl on the floor. Sometimes I would have a can of tuna, but that was usually very dry. Sometimes I would have scraps from the table, but that would often pull me out of puppy space. My favorite food was spam because it kind of smelled like dog food, it was tasty, and it could be eaten cold.

Recently, I was talking to Onii about puppy chow. In the past, he has made a rice dish that was pretty filling and nutritional. It's tasty when warm but I wonder how it tastes cold. It doesn't really travel well so I started thinking about a dry food that might work better.

I ended up doing a Google search for homemade dog treats. There were many options ranging from sweet to savory so I chose one of the simpler, sweeter ones to start with. This recipe called for baby food and flour. Unfortunately, I only had coconut flour and apple sauce on hand. 

I mixed the ingredients and then rolled the dough into little balls to resemble kibble. I threw it in the oven and let it bake. When it came out, it looked like I hoped it would but it was so dry that I could barely finish a single bite. Perhaps it would be better if I had used the correct ingredients. Regardless, I think I'm going to go back to the drawing board and try something different.

Invasion Puppy Play

This past weekend was Invasion weekend. Ash came and brought her sweet puppy Scott. I've been wanting to tousle with him since I first met him several months ago. We chatted about playing together and I mentioned that I had never really played with another puppy before so I was nervous. Throughout the evening, he gently coaxed me out of my shell and had me gearing up for some puppy play by the end of the night.

Onii helped me put on my mitts and then had to run off for a minute before putting on my collar. I had to wait for him to come back before playing because I just couldn't go on without my collar. I'm so connected to it. What a relief it was to have it firmly snapped around my neck. I was happy to have my master around too while playing with another pup for the first time.

Puppy and I wrestled for a bit. At one point, he jumped on top of me and bit at the scruff of my neck a bit. I momentarily snapped out of puppy space in complete elation before diving right back in and pinning him to the ground. Eventually, I nuzzled the bag that had my toys in it. Ash tossed a squeaker bone out. Puppy and I both went after it. It was really fun trying to get it away from him and then pouncing on it to make it squeak. It wasn't great for playing tug o war with though so Ash threw out the braided rope toy. We had a blast pulling each other back and forth. I was a little worried that I would hurt Puppy because I can get pretty into the tug o war game. I've pulled so hard that my ears started ringing. It builds up some crazy muscles, I'll tell ya. Finally, the ball was tossed into the mix. I SUPER DUPER loved playing fetch, especially because the ball was just a bit bouncy. It rolled back and forth between Puppy and I while we both tried to grab it.

At one point, Puppy took off into the other room and I followed. Onii and Ash chased after us and brought us back to the mats. We tried wandering off one other time but Onii called me back so I obediently returned and heeled next to him. I'm not really sure what Puppy did. My focus was on Onii in the moment. I really enjoyed the feelings I was having toward Onii at the moment. Complete trust and wanting to please.

Eventually, Puppy and I were tuckered out and flopped down next to each other, panting. Ash and Onii brought us bowls of cool fresh water. I drained mine pretty quickly while Puppy slowly slurped at his. He took a step back for a moment and was encouraged to keep drinking. He cleverly swapped my empty bowl for his so he could be done but it was promptly filled up with more water. We all laughed.

"Wanna go for a walk?" Onii asked. My ears perked up and I bumbled over to the bag with my leash in it, pulling it out with my teeth. Puppy and I walked in line from one room to another, getting scritches from friends along the way. It was nice. We ended up in the littles room where there was a huge dog crate.

Puppy and I both climbed inside the crate together. I didn't think we'd fit but somehow we did, and pretty comfortably too. There was a santa hat sitting on the top of the crate and, of course, we tried to pull it down but Onii was too quick for us. We eventually hunkered down, wrapping ourselves up in a big mushy puppy pile of snuggles. It was so wonderful. I truly felt like a fuzzy pup. Eventually Onii and Ash wandered off and left us to relax and chat. It was amazing. I can't wait to play again.

Puppy Headspace

I sometimes have a hard time getting into puppy space because my silly gollum voice gets in the way. I worry about how I look. My hair is a mess. I'm sweaty. I'm jiggly and wiggly all over the place. My makeup is smearing. My tail looks funny. I also worry about how I sound. I'm growling too much. I'm too loud. I'm too high pitched. It doesn't sound real enough. I worry that I'm annoying people. What if they think this is silly? What if they don't WANT to pet me? What if I'm interrupting something? It's usually pretty stressful at first.

Eventually though, with encouragement, I fully submerge into that wonderful head space. My brain goes away and it's pure bliss. My senses seem to heighten. The cool water feels so refreshing against my lips and tongue. The clink of my tags against the bowl is deafening. I want nothing more than to play fetch and tug o war and to see the people around me smile. My master becomes God. Time no longer exists. I'm insanely happy and playful and carefree. I don't worry about anything anymore. NOTHING. I feel like my true self really gets to shine through.

Puppy play combines the things that I love the most about both ageplay and BDSM. I'm stripped down to nothing but my collar (at home anyway). I'm placed on all fours. I can't use my hands. I'm not allowed to speak. I must obey orders. In the past, I've been stripped of regular bathroom privileges. I have no more control. I'm just an animal. My brain is gone and my master is God. Still though, I get to play and romp around and be silly and happy like a little would. It's the best of both worlds. I get to let go. It's beautiful.

I'm really happy that there seems to be more and more puppies coming out to play at the Littles Invasions. There were about four or five of us at the last one. One of them told me that there's a mosh group and munch regularly held in NYC. I'm really curious about going sometime. I want to have gear that helps me feel more confident before going though. I've thought about doing a pet play munch in the area and/or another pet play Invasion sometime. I think that would be fun. We'll see.

Can't wait to play again. :-)

The Pet (Full Movie)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OS1HJWtilIE

Not the greatest movie but it's about puppy girls so I dig it.

"A young woman struggling through emotional and financial ruin becomes drawn to an aristocratic benefactor. She desperately needs to be loved and cared for, and he is struggling to overcome the loss of his setter, a loyal and devoted pet. Eventually, and for a large sum of money, she agrees to be his pet for six months, living in a cage, never wearing clothes, and being led on a leash."

Puppy Play

Onii and I play at almost every Invasion. It's something I greatly look forward to. We'll take out the wrestling mats and go to town, tossing each other around and pinning each other down. Usually Onii ends up pounding on my chest and sides a bunch and pushing pressure points until I whimper and cry out. This time, he placed my favorite purple collar around my neck and we had some puppy play fun with Puddles. This scene was especially hot for me. He started grabbing my hair and pulling me towards him. He placed an elbow into my back, forcing my nose to the ground, and then pushed me legs apart using pressure points. He would hold me there and tell me that "this is where dirty little breeder bitches belong." He would push on a pressure point and tell me "You know what to do to make it stop." I hate to bark, it's embarrassing and humiliating to me, but it's the only thing that will make the pain stop. It's my safe word. So I barked.....over and over again, he made me bark. Every now and then, he would stop and give me commands. Sit. Beg. Lie Down. And then......"what does a breeder bitch do?" Ohhhhh man.....that's hot. When I refused to do it, he would grab my collar or my leash and pull me back down into the position again. I felt wild, my hair damp with sweat and tousled from the fight. I love this feeling. I love this passion. I love being put in my place and forced to comply. I can't wait until next time!

Puppy Ella

Tom and I decided to play with rope tonight. First I did a Dragonfly Sleeve on him (below). Unfortunately, it didn't last long because his arms started turning purple so I had to untie him. It was still fun though. I was surprised at how easy and quick it was to do. It's a heck of a lot cheaper than buying a leather arm binder, that's for sure. 

Then Tom started doing a tie on me that reminded me of the way human puppy legs get tied up. When I told him this, he decided to try it out. I was excited to discover that it wasn't as uncomfortable as I was expecting it to be. I'm not flexible enough to get my lower legs tied up snug to my upper leg but just getting my feet a few inches off the ground was enough. I wasn't able to stand at all...and that's when the puppy play ensued.

First we played fetch. I love fetch but it's really tiring, hard on the knees, and a bit of a challenge in my small room. Then we played tug-o-war, which is a favorite of mine. It really gets me into the right head space. I can get very involved if the person hangs on but it's a good if they let go because my teeth eventually start to hurt. 

The whole time, Tom gave me scritches and praises and did basic training with hand and voice commands. I preferred it when he didn't use his voice because it seemed more realistic. When I'm a puppy, I'm a little scatterbrained so it takes me a minute to figure out what he's asking for just by looking at his hands. It was a lot of fun. 

I've got more to say on the topic of puppy play but it will have to wait until tomorrow. Sleepy Ella is sleepy. :-)

Camp Crucible - Tuesday

Tuesday was hot!!! We spent most of the day hopping in and out of the pool. I did get some puppy time though. It took me a while to get into the headspace but I had a great time once I finally got there. Tom tied me to a tree and then played fetch and tug of war with me. I love tug of war. I got to drink out of my water bowl and chew on a stick and sit quietly at Tom's feet. It was wonderful. People kept passing by and smiling at me. Not the reaction I was expecting. It was definitely encouraging. I also found out that there are a few other girl puppies around. It's nice to know because I've only ever come across male leather puppies.

After dinner, Tom and I went to make smores by the fire. Bethie gave me an awesome little sippy cup with my name on it. Then we checked out the firefly field. It was beautiful! To finish the night, Tom took me to the dungeon called Hell and strung me up. He started beating me with sticks and the hairbrush and a flogger. For some reason, I started to feel angry so I fought a little. I think it was simply because I was worn out and fussy over the heat. After only a short time, I cried out to him to stop and started balling. Thankfully, Tom wasn't upset and took care of me.

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Packing, Puppy Play, and Humilation

I spent most of the day packing to go to Albany. I ended up going through all of my kinky stuff and all of my little stuff. Made me miss being little. I don't spend nearly as much time being little as I used to. I simply don't have anyone around to play with. I miss my bottles and pacies the most. I should just use those things more often. It will definitely be easier once I'm living alone again. My sister knows about my little side and has seen it all but she's not a part of the community so it feels awkward doing it around her.

I'm kind of hoping that I'll be able to spend some time in the hotel this weekend with my bottle, blankie, and pacie. It's so relaxing to be little. Little time means stupid time for me. My brain shuts off completely. All my worries disappear. I get to just play and have fun and not think about anything. Like a child, I tend to occupy myself with whatever is most stimulating at the time whether that be a coloring book, food, or a movie. I lose myself in it. What a wonderful feeling, to just let go. I can physically feel the stress of life melt away.

I learned this week that I kinda miss puppy play. I didn't realize how interested I am in it until I started talking to Tom about it. I stumbled upon my dog bowl and toys while going through my things and mentioned it to Tom who then took it upon himself to play with my brain a little. I loved it! I think it's because it's very similar to littlespace in that I occupy myself with whatever is most stimulating and forget the rest.

The one thing that's difficult for me to deal with when being a puppy is the humiliation aspect. I have this strange love/hate thing going on with humiliation. Most of my fantasies involve one form of it or another but the reality of it kills me. I think it's because I'm afraid of what people might think or say about me. I don't want to be made fun of or picked on when I'm in that vulnerable position. I haven't quite healed enough from my past to be able to handle that yet.

I think that I could be conditioned to enjoy certain kinds of humiliation, given time. For example, barking is completely embarrassing to me and I hate doing it. So we could start with no speech allowed at all (which should be a rule anyway considering the fact that puppies don't talk) until I get to know the people around me. Then I could be asked to speak....but not forced to speak. I could be encouraged with treats (Jellybeans!) or verbal praise. Once I'm comfortable with the people around me and come to my own conclusion that they are safe to be around and won't make fun of me, I would probably be more inclined to bark. Eeep! It's really all about being comfortable and feeling safe in the situation.

Tom is talking about doing some puppy stuff with me at camp. This evokes a mix of excitement and fear in me. I can't help but think of all these ideas though. Tails, outfits, gags, food, puppy pads, play, collars and leashes...... *shivers with excitement* Yum! I wonder what Tom would be like as a puppy? That's exciting too. So much to think about!